In May we took 3 weeks off and spoiled ourselves with some time off in Bali. I loved being in Ubud a couple of years ago when I used to live in Gili Trawangan. Rayk wanted to spend some time in Canggu.
So we had 10 days for ourselves before we would have vacation together.
When I arrived in Ubud I was first surprised how small everything is- in my memory everything, like the streets, cafés etc. was so much bigger. Excited to stroll around I went to one of the biggest Yogastudios there. 4 years ago I loved going there to dance parties during the day. It’s called ecstatic dance and it‘s a huge event during the day with no alcohol or drugs – just dance and enjoy yourself.
Well- things changed!
Now you have to be there 3h prior to get a ticket. It’s like going to a club earlier days. It’s trendy, it’s chic- let’s give it a name = it’s the Yogabiz. Yes, we‘re all part of it, I know. But you know how I felt sitting there in front of the Yogashala watching all these beautiful young Yoginis?!?
I felt awful. Never did I have the feeling of anxiety coming up but that happened right there; in a Yogastudio. Maybe not the place where you expect that to happen but it was real. I left absolutely confused and somehow ashamed. When I have no idea what to do, I go for a swim. So I did and that helped a little.
It took me a few days to realize what happened and to come back to my strength. I meditated, practiced and spent lots of time for myself. Two days later after a strong, firery practice I was back to my strength, my willpower and my self esteem.
I believe that everything happens for a reason. The reason I had to experience that was maybe to understand people who suffer from a lack of self esteem and anxiety much better. Another reason was also to clearly define who is the right guest for futurehippie!
And I know it now. The ideal guest for futurehippie is just a normal person. Maybe she or he seems to be boring for society on the first view but it’s the person who matters. No need for fancy mats, shoes, clothes, make up, dresses etc. Just being you and trying to be the best version of yourself. Caring for others and not just for yourself. Living Karmayoga and practicing Yoga on and off the mat- that’s important for me.
I try to be a good teacher and I’m making mistakes. I say things too loud and sometimes in a wrong way. I will say sorry when needed and I will not be ashamed for being a human. We’re not perfect – we’re humans. Let’s practice more kindness and learn to forgive.
I will start today with forgiving myself for all the times I told myself I should or shouldn’t do/think etc.
I‘m just a normal person and that’s perfect